Let’s talk. Not in whispers, not in code. We’re not tiptoeing around this one. Sis, your son is not your king. He’s not the man of the house. He’s a child. And he needs to stay in a child’s place.
Somewhere along the way, too many Black mothers started crowning their sons as if they sat on a throne built from the sacrifices they wouldn’t dare expect from their daughters. You praise him for the bare minimum, let him slide when he fumbles, and set him up to believe the world should worship the ground he walks on—because you do.
Can I be the realest one in the room for a second? You hold him in a way you don’t hold your daughters. She’s expected to help, to be responsible, to hold the weight of the family. But him? He gets to bask in the glow of your unconditional, unchallenged adoration. You call him the man of the house when he’s barely out of Spider-Man bedsheets. You let him grow into a man who expects women—whether it’s you, a partner, or the world at large—to cater to him like they were born to serve.
AND THAT’S THE PROBLEM.
Your son is not your man. He is not your protector. He is not your emotional support system. He is not the reason you hold your head high or the man you lost along the way. He is a boy. He is supposed to be raised, not worshiped. He is supposed to be guided, not given a false sense of entitlement. He is supposed to learn that love is not service, that care is not control, that being a man is about accountability—not just existing while women bend to accommodate him.
And let’s talk about accountability because too many of y’all will sit up in another woman’s face, smiling and playing nice, while knowing damn well your son is out here lying, cheating and running game. You cover for him. You make excuses. You help him clean up his mess, gaslight the women he’s hurting, and act like it’s just “what men do.” You’re riding for your son, but you’re watching him hurt people in the process, and if that’s how you are or how you raised him, then honestly? You two deserve each other.
Let’s not forget the fake beef. The unnecessary tension you create with his girlfriend, fiancée or wife because deep down, you don’t want to let him go. You start unnecessary drama, side-eye her for no reason, and convince yourself that your son is “too good” for her—when 97% of the time, he isn’t. The truth is, you don’t want to lose the position of being the number one woman in his life. But that’s the thing: You were never supposed to compete. He is supposed to build a life outside of you. That’s healthy. That’s normal. That’s the goal.
You will not always be the only woman in his life, and that’s a good thing. One day, he’ll love someone else. Will she thank you for raising a man who knows how to give as much as he takes? Or will she have to unteach everything you let slide? Will she be left with the emotional labor of making him whole because you spent his childhood making him believe he already was?
The truth is that one day, he won’t be your problem anymore. He’ll be the world’s. He’ll be someone’s boyfriend, someone’s husband, someone’s father. He’ll be a product of what you poured into him—or what you didn’t.
So, what kind of man are you raising? One who understands balance, respect and responsibility? Or one who walks through life expecting a crown he never earned?
It’s time to separate the two. Raise your son. Love him. But don’t exalt him to a position he’s neither earned nor belongs in. He is not your king. He’s your child. And until he’s grown, that’s all he ever needs to be.
