Hey, Mama! First off, congratulations on bringing new life into the world! And while it might not be Valentine’s Day anymore, it’s still February…and that means Black History Month, which is the perfect time to celebrate you. To be transparent, postpartum life can be a whirlwind, especially for Black women who often find themselves at the bottom of the self-care list. Between sleepless nights and endless crying, it’s easy to forget about the most important person in this equation: YOU.
I know this journey well; I had a wide-ranging pregnancy experience, doing everything I believed would make me calmer and more relaxed, creating the sweetest environment to welcome my baby. I delivered all my children naturally in water at a birth center, and I’ve been breastfeeding for six years (I know I need to relax). After the baby came and I was back at home, all of that cute stuff was out of the window, and as time passed, I realized I’d been more mommy and less me.
Studies show that Black women are less likely to receive adequate postpartum care, which can lead to a lack of self-love and even postpartum depression. So, after a while, I switched gears and decided that I refuse to lose myself. So here are a few things I’ve done to help get back into a groove that was all about loving myself and embracing my new, beautiful, powerful body.
- Embrace the Village Vibes
It sounds so corny, but it’s true—it takes a village to raise a child—and to support a new mom. Now is when to lean in on your husband, spouse, partner, family or friends for help. Literally, whoever you know (and trust), you will need. Let them be your support system, whether watching the baby for an hour or cooking a meal. Burnout is real, Mama, and you need to be realistic. If you are not good, the family won’t be.
- Quiet Time
This precious time in your life goes from sonograms, baby showers and excitement to sometimes complete silence—moments with just you and your baby. You may feel bored. You may get a little sad (we will cover this later). Nonetheless, what needs to be your new norm is embracing the ebbs and flows of parenting. In the first few weeks, usually, all the baby wants to do is sleep, and they say to sleep when the baby sleeps, but that can be unrealistic. If you can, do that, but if not, get into YOU and what you like. Listen to some music or a podcast. Read a book! Once the baby gets a little older, these moments will be much less frequent (you will have a matter of weeks!). Embrace the stillness because it won’t last very long! - Mirror, Mirror
After months of carrying life, you’ve delivered a healthy baby, only for your body to have morphed into a version of yourself that you may not have ever imagined. Did you use all the oils and do all the exercises, and still, didn’t you expect the postpartum results you now have? Don’t trip. What you MUST remember is that time is your bestie. At this stage in your life, give your body space and the time to heal. Sure, you don’t look the same, and you probably won’t ever have that exact body again, but you can create the remix!I suggest after giving birth, as often as you can, look in the mirror naked and appreciate what your body has done. Thank her, even! Understand that as time passes, your body is improving, and your mind is sharper than ever. Sure, mom-brain is real…but you’re on high alert now, girl. Every jiggle you now have is appreciated by a little person who needs you. Plus, if you do things well, like eating balanced meals and exercising consistently once your doctor gives the OK, you’ll always land on what’s most important: a healthy and nourished body…but the mommy version, which is sexier than ever.
- Mindful Connections
Having at least one person to speak to about this new adventure is crucial. It’s uncharted territory for you; if it’s not, it’s still good to connect with other adults, as you will notice so much of your time is spent in kiddie land with a new baby. Take a few minutes each day to reach out to a friend or have a friend or family member over for tea and touch base in person with them.Now, choose wisely; you’ll need to be around more positive people versus that funny but often pessimistic friend you can’t get enough of. You’ll need to catch her later. This adult interaction will remind you that you are still YOU, not some blob of baby wipes, pampers and baby food meshed together. Try to skip out on talking too much about baby stuff, too, and talk about adult stuff.
- You Are Not the Same
Speaking of friends, your whole friendship dynamic is about to transform whether you like it or not. Some friends will distance themselves because they feel like they no longer have anything in common with you, and on the other hand, you have your “hitters,” as I like to call them, the down and brown crew that is with you no matter who or what changes in your life.The best thing you can do is nod in respect to both categories and keep it pushing. It’s just different now, so don’t waste your time racking your brain on why Keisha doesn’t call you as much anymore. This is your journey, and there is no time to try to explain why you are now busier or to beg for people to stick around.
- Journal Your Journey
Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be incredibly therapeutic. Grab a cute journal and jot down your highs, lows and everything. It’s a great way to process your emotions and celebrate your progress. Besides, you may be one of the women who experience postpartum depression, and it is no joke. It affects each woman differently, so developing a mental wellness routine that hits a therapeutic baseline is best. Otherwise, speak to a doctor if thoughts or feelings arise that are unfamiliar and scary. - Get Dressed
Yes, rely on that village to hold the baby and draw yourself a nice bath (if the doctor says it’s okay) or treat yourself to a more extended shower. Next, pick out a cute, laid-back outfit to continue chilling with the baby. A sweet mid-day refresher is what I like to call this, and it will reset your mind and lighten up your attitude, whether you need it or not. You need to take advantage of feeling like a human as much as possible because it’s easy to fall into an abyss of caring for others.
Key takeaway: Don’t forget about YOU.
